Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
