I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
