low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
