He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You can't just leave with hair like that
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
