it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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