1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Randomize
