When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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