Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
