Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She bit a glass in half.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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