Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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