I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
