i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
