my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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