Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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