your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
