I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
