Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
