just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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