i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
