I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
