I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
