Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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