dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
