I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
