is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Randomize
