Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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