Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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