im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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