Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she told me i tasted like america
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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