Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
