So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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