I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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