you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
