i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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