the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
