my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
