I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
