Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
