I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
