Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
