I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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