Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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