Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
