i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm passing your future prison.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
