I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
