i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dick very happy bro
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
