I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
