I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
