its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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