he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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