So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
