You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
