party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
