wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
