Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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